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  • The 5 Love Languages | For Children

February 10, 2021

Now that you've read our blog 'Love Languages for Grown Up's' you will see the benefit of understanding your partners love language ... and of course, your own.

If you have children, then you will really want to also ensure you know your children love languages! As each child is unique, often they can be very different and hence require different parents approaches.

In his book 'The 5 Love Languages for Children' Gary Chapman explains how knowing your child’s love language can make all of the difference in your relationship. Here, he shares descriptions of his 5 love languages list.

1. Physical Touch 

Hugs and kisses are the most common way of speaking this love language, but there are other ways, too. A dad tosses his year-old son in the air.    He spins his seven-year-old daughter round and round, and she laughs wildly. A mom reads a story with her three-year-old on her lap.

For children who understand this love language, then physical touch will communicate love to them far more than words.  “I love you,” or giving a present, fixing a broken toy, or spending time with them.

Of course, they receive love in all the languages, but for them, the one with the clearest and loudest voice is physical touch. Without hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and other physical expressions of love, their love tanks will remain less than full.


2. Words of Affirmation

In communicating love, words are powerful. Words of affection and endearment, words of praise, encouragement or those that give positive guidance all say, “I care about you.” Such words are like a gentle, warm rain falling on the soul; they nurture the child’s inner sense of worth and security.

Even though such words are quickly said, they are not soon forgotten. A child reaps the benefits of affirming words for a lifetime.  For children who score high in this love language, your words are gold and incredibly meaningful to them.  The positive will bring much joy and happiness while the negative will cause deep wounds and may linger in their minds much longer than with another child who has a different love language. 


3. Quality Time

Quality time means giving a child your undivided attention. Really being present ... not on our phones, or busy cooking or tidying at the same time but being there, undistracted with your child.

Quality time is a parent’s gift of presence to a child. It conveys this message: “You are important. I like being with you.” It makes the child feel that he is the most important person in the world to the parent. He feels truly loved because he has his parent all to himself. When you spend quality time with children, you need to go to their physical/emotional level of development. The most important factor in quality time is not the event itself but that you are doing something together, being together.

If quality time is your child’s primary love language, you can be sure of this: Without a sufficient supply of quality time and focused attention, your child will experience a gnawing uneasiness that his parents do not really love him.

4. Gifts

Giving and receiving of gifts can be a powerful expression of love, at the time they are given and often extending into later years.  The most meaningful gifts become symbols of love, and those that truly convey love are part of a love language.

Most children respond positively to gifts, but for some, receiving gifts is their primary love language.  It has far greater meaning to them and shows that you were thinking about them, even when they were not with you.  If it's a gift they love, then it also reminds them of how well you know them as an individual too. 

You might be inclined to think that this is so for all children, judging from the way they beg for things. It is true that all children—and adults—want to have more and more. But those whose language of love is receiving gifts will respond differently when they get their gift. Remember, for them, this is love’s loudest voice. They see the gift as an extension of you and your love.

5. Acts of Service

As the saying goes, often 'Actions speak louder than words!'.  

If acts of service is your child’s primary love language, your actions will communicate most deeply that you love them.  When that child asks you to fix a toy or help find their buzz lightyear costume he or she does not merely want to get a task done but asking to feel loved by you through this task. 

This obviously does not mean that you must jump at every request. but rather that you should be mindful of these requests and recognise that your response will either help fill the child’s love tank up higher .. .or possible leave it feeling lower.  Just think of each request as a call for your attention and respond where possible with a thoughtful, loving response even if you can't do the action now, maybe agree together a time that you can later. 


Take The Quiz - It's FREE 

To take the Love Languages Quiz above  It's a lovely thing to do with your child and only takes about 10 minutes!

Remember they need to answer the questions, no prompting, just genuine, honest answers so that you know you are both getting the right language and can make up a fun list of things to do together to Fill their Love Tank. 

 Here is a little video giving a quick summary of the Love Languages for Children 


We really hope you found this article useful!

Discovering your child's love language can make such a huge difference in your relationship.  It takes out the guess work and leads to children who feel loved and a calmer, happier home.

If you know other parents who would find this useful please share on any of the links below!

x Cathy 

Mom to Miller & Keane

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